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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29262630">ERIZ3D</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuddenPainter/pseuds/SuddenPainter'>SuddenPainter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Nightcall [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU sort of, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Heist goes well, What-If</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:13:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,396</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29262630</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuddenPainter/pseuds/SuddenPainter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Heist went as smoothly as it could have and it seems that everyone got what they wanted in the end. But is a happy ending truly possible in Night City?</p><p>Series of one-shots (although this one is more of a two-shot) about V and his escapades around Night City and beyond. Can be read as a series or standalone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Misty Olszewski/Jackie Welles, Panam Palmer &amp; V, Panam Palmer/V</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Nightcall [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2128197</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wanted to explore what would happen if they actually got away with the heist, but without changing too much of the original story. </p><p>Hope you enjoy the read!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Bioshard integrity - one hundred percent. Guessin' that's a yes.” Satisfied, Jackie grabbed the case from the raised platform. </p><p> </p><p>“Good, let’s go!” V looked around, hesitating briefly. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, too late! Yarinobu is in the lobby on his way to the penthouse.” T-Bug’s worried voice echoed on their holos. “Lift is out of the question. Gimme a sec!”</p><p> </p><p>“We don’t have a sec!”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck!”</p><p> </p><p>“OK, got somethin'! Window - now! Releasing the lock! Should see a ladder around the corner. Go! Now!” </p><p> </p><p>V rushed to the window, almost smashing into it before it had a chance to slide open on T-Bug’s command. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh fuck. I am about to be made, they are almost through my ICE. Gotta del-” T-Bug cut off, leaving them on their own. </p><p> </p><p>Two-thirds of the trip to the ladder was easy until they turned around the corner to find a good 10 meters of a narrow ledge between themselves and their escape route. V stepped on the ledge, eyes glued to the narrow space in front of him. </p><p> </p><p>“You can do it, Jackie, just don't look down! Yep, that's fuckin' high!”</p><p> </p><p>“Not looking, not looking…” Jackie advanced slowly behind V. </p><p> </p><p>V was certain a drone would fly by and open fire any second and have already considered what were the chances of them surviving the drop down the slanted rooftop below. </p><p> </p><p>He worried for nothing - they made it to the ladder and down into the maintenance tunnel. The only hiccup was the closed gate between the maintenance section and the underground garage, which took Jackie a few seconds to pull up, letting V roll under before following. </p><p> </p><p>“Told ya - smooth as butter!” Jackie handed V his pistol. Delamain cruised through Night City, on their way back to Afterlife. </p><p> </p><p>“It appears the hotel you’ve just departed is featured on quite a few news channels. Would you like to see the coverage?” The AI inquired courteously. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, show us!” V sat up in his seat, shooting a worried look at Jackie. This went <em>too smoothly</em> after all. “Fuck, did they figure us out?”</p><p> </p><p>Momentarily, a helicopter shot of Konpeki Plaza, windows illuminated by strobing red lights, lit up on the screens. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “... unfortunately, Yarinobu’s attempts to resuscitate his father were unsuccessful, the Trauma Team arriving too late as well. We have confirmation Saburo Arasaka died from a heart attack while visiting…”  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the coverage faded out as V’s mind wondered back into the penthouse they’ve just escaped from. <em> ‘If we were just a few minutes late…. we would probably be stuck there…’ </em> A gut-wrenching feeling of what could have happened gripped him, stirring a somehow familiar sense of dread. </p><p> </p><p>Jackie’s firm hand on his shoulder brought him back into the then-and-now of the cab. “Don’t you worry about what could’ve been, choom! We are here, far away from them, they probably don’t even know that we’ve been there.” Merc friend’s smile told V he meant what he said. “This may even be good for us - Yarinobu will be so busy with the family succession and power struggle shit - he won’t even think to check the relic for ages.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah…. I guess you’re right….” V couldn’t shake off a feeling that something wasn’t quite right. </p><p> </p><p>Despite V’s concerns, Delamain continued to sail through the streets of Night City, as if they were just coming back from a weapon transaction that was their cover, not what could be one of the biggest heists in Night City’s history. </p><p> </p><p>—-</p><p> </p><p>“Well done Mr Welles, Mr V. We are about to get very, very rich.”  Dexter DeShawn was even more insufferable when he was content. V doubted he would ever see someone who ever embodied ‘smug’ more than the fixer sitting in front of him. </p><p> </p><p>The newly-gilded merc still couldn’t shake off the feeling that something wasn’t quite adding up. Jackie didn’t seem to care as much - he laughed, content, got up and shook DeShawn’s hand. “Hope the next time we hear from you will be via a very hefty transfer, Mr DeShawn.” Jackie’s mimicking of the fixer’s mannerism mildly annoyed V, but he was in too good of a mood to let it bother him.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I am going to lay low, and by lay low I mean grab a booth here and celebrate.” Jackie stood up, looking at V, obviously expecting him to follow. That plan sounded good to V, he didn’t expect Jackie and him to do anything else at this point anyway. </p><p> </p><p>“Looking forward to hearing from ya Dex.” V nodded at the fixer as he followed his partner out of the sound-isolated room. </p><p> </p><p>—-</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>2 weeks later. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>V got woken up by his holo ringing for what felt like the millionth time. Rolling himself in a half-raised position on the bed, he answered. “Whatever you want, I am not buying, I do not care. Fuck off.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, choom! I see you are making the best of your holiday! Although, I am a bit disappointed you are holed up in your flat.” Jackie’s enthusiasm was undeterred by V’s initial coldness. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Jackie, hey! Sorry… you know how I am in the mornings… How’s the island?”</p><p> </p><p>Jackie’s face lit-up as V asked about exactly what he wanted to talk about. “It’s just preem V, better than I could hope. Misty and I are on the beach every day, but there is also a water park, and like 10 bars just in the hotel… hang on a sec, Misty wants to say hi!” He moved the holo further away from him, revealing a breathtaking view of the beach, littered with tropical trees and the ocean in the background. Misty leaned into view,  her makeup unusually light, beaming at V from the other end. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey V! We miss you here! Would be magical if you came with us!” Jackie nodded eagerly to agree with his girlfriend. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Misty, but I had some stuff to finish off at Night City before I delta…” V paused, noticing a brief note of disappointment on his friends’ faces. “... But I have postponed all of it, got to wait for you two to get back before I leave, of course!” That’s done the trick - Jackie and Misty looked content that V did not intend to leave before they got back. </p><p> </p><p>“Make sure you get some rest, choom. You will need it now that we’ve moved to major-league gig territory, Night City or elsewhere.” Jackie nodded at him from the holo. “Anyway, we gotta go, lotta stuff to do, so little time.’ V waved back as the connection terminated. </p><p> </p><p>With a sigh, the merc stood up from the bed nook and went to take a shower, his mind occupied with ‘what now’ planning. He probably should go thank the BD editor at Lizzie’s for her help. Now that he had a few mil to his name, he felt that giving those that helped him on the way their dues was just good karma. Jackie did that for his family and Misty. Mama Welles was provided for, although she still insisted on running the bar. Jackie moved out of the garage and into a nicer part of V’s megabuilding. Misty moved in shortly after, V was certain that was the plan all along. He loved the idea of them as neighbours, although they didn’t manage to make much use of it just yet as the couple rushed off on their holiday just a few days after unpacking. </p><p> </p><p>Perhaps he could hold off from his plan to leave the city just a bit longer. </p><p> </p><p>—-</p><p> </p><p>Your reputation, or rumours, almost always preceded you in Night City. Rita nodding at V without saying a word, compared to the little interrogation he had received the last time he was there, was a tell-tale sign that his rep has elevated significantly. </p><p> </p><p>V retraced his steps from back before the heist to get to Judy’s lair. The editor was right back where V met her last time - sat in her chair, face illuminated by numerous screens, peering into the latest smut BD. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Judy.” Merc couldn’t really come up with a more original greeting. “Just wanted to make sure you are properly rewarded for your help.” he dropped a shard full of eddies on the edge of her desk.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, V… Gotta admit, did not expect to see you again. Coming here, being alive and all that. Paying me on top of that too - I must be dreaming!” Techie smiled at him with a disarmingly genuine smile. </p><p> </p><p>“As you can see, not a walking corpse myself!” V replied giddily. “I presume Evelyn isn’t either, despite your predictions, eh?” Judy mildly winced at the reminder of her rather aggressive retort from the first time the merc was in her den. </p><p> </p><p>“I got to admit, you and Ev had pleasantly surprised me. I was expecting this job to go completely pearshaped, but it looks like you managed to pull it off. Count me impressed.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take that! Anyway, won’t bother you any longer, just wanted to make sure thanks were given where they were due. Don’t be a stranger, and say hi to Evelyn from me, if you see her.” With that, V went for the door. Judy waved him goodbye as he walked out before turning back to her screens. </p><p> </p><p>—-</p><p> </p><p>V found himself back at Afterlife, not quite certain what had drawn him back into the merc bar again beside the gnawing feeling that this is where something important was about to happen to him, Claire was friendly, as usual, serving him drinks without much delay, no matter how busy she got. </p><p> </p><p>His holo beeped.</p><p> </p><p>[One new message. Sender: Unknown] </p><p> </p><p>Those usually meant a privacy-obsessed client, or an ominous threat. V opened the message with a sigh. </p><p> </p><p>&lt;Hey V, T-Bug here. Before I vanish completely, just wanted to wish you good luck. Was great knowing ya.&gt; </p><p> </p><p>V didn’t have time to even send a ‘thanks, you too’ when the error message flashed under T-Bug’s message.</p><p> </p><p>[This user is permanently disconnected.]</p><p> </p><p>The netrunner didn’t lie when she said she will burn any and all bridges. Clean break it is then. “Good for you, Bug,” V smirked to himself. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, looks like Rogue is free now.” Claire’s voice made the merc look up. The bartender nodded towards Afterlife’s head fixer’s booth. V turned away from his drink to see a burly merc leaving the booth, payday smile on his face. Wiring double the usual tip Claire’s way, he dropped from the barstool, making it for Rogue’s ‘office’.</p><p> </p><p>Just as he approached Dennis, Rogue’s de-facto bodyguard, V saw that the half of the fixer’s previous meeting was still there, clearly displeased. </p><p> </p><p>“Be careful who you bargain with.” The tanned woman glared at Rogue before walking away. </p><p> </p><p>“Is it a good time?” V leaned in when the booth cleared out. “Looks like someone needs more of you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh that was Panam, her temper got her in trouble, again. Nothing for you to worry about.” Rogue’s demeanour screamed biz. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, if there is anything I can help with - I am all down. I am looking for more work before I delta from Night City for good.” V shrugged. </p><p> </p><p>“Very well. In that case, Panam may benefit from a cool head accompanying her. Here are the deets, meet her at those co-ords, she can fill you in. If you help her sort this… situation out, consider me impressed. We can talk more jobs then.” Rogue leaned back into the couch, clearly in her element when giving out orders. </p><p> </p><p>“Cool, will keep you posted then.” V was enthusiastic as always - even if he wasn’t quite sure what the Panam job would entail exactly. Working for Rogue was exciting enough. He needed to hold the ‘big leagues’ fort on his own while Jackie was out on his island trip anyway. </p><p> </p><p>—-</p><p> </p><p>Three dozen dead Raffens and a retrieved ride with cargo later, V finds himself agreeing to a revenge mission with the attractive nomad. </p><p> </p><p>“So we are just gonna shoot that place up then?” The merc asked bluntly.</p><p> </p><p>“Pretty much.” The Nomad shrugged back. </p><p> </p><p>V still couldn’t quite place why he was going along with this, it wasn’t like he had much to gain from any of it. And yet, it felt like the right thing to do.</p><p> </p><p>“All right. So where is this hideout?” </p><p> </p><p>—-</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>2 more weeks later. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>One revenge mission turned into rather frequent escapades with the nomads. Somehow, V got roped into saving Saul, the clan leader, as well as hijacking a Militech Basilisk. What started as an amused curiosity with the nomad eventually turned into deep fondness. The merc got to meet the Aldecaldo family, who gladly took to him; he counted many of them as his friends by now. His growing feelings for Panam seemed to be reciprocated too - on many fireside gatherings V had attended, the woman would end up snuggled into his side, head resting on his shoulder. ‘Mighty comfy’ she called it. Mitch and others kept teasing him about being indecisive. ‘Just go for it!’ they’d nudge him. </p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I will next time I see her.” The merc smiled to himself. </p><p> </p><p>At the moment though, he had something completely different to think about. Jackie and Misty were due back tomorrow and Vik had come up with an idea to throw them a surprise welcome back party. It was easy to set up as well - V’s biosig was authorised for the couple’s flat, to feed the cat Misty managed to adopt on her 2nd day in the building. He couldn’t help but wonder if the party can be kept hidden from the woman and her scarily accurate Tarot readings. </p><p> </p><p>“Does this look even to you?” The heavy-built ripper looked comically out of place standing with his hands stretched up as far as possible, holding a corner of a huge ‘Welcome Back!’ sign above the entryway. </p><p> </p><p>V nodded in approval. His optics flagged a 2-degree discrepancy between the two corners, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell Vik, the guy was hanging this thing for an embarrassingly long time. Plus, they had plenty of other things to do - call people up, get booze and, most importantly, bring up the couch that Vik had got them as a housewarming present. </p><p> </p><p>“A ripperdoc knows how important a good seat can be.” V still wasn’t quite over this side of the old boxer - the mushy side. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, and you should invite that nomad that keeps you busy all the time,” Vik threw at him nonchalantly while rummaging through more of the decorations. Panam? Surprise parties? Didn’t sound like her thing at all, but the thought of her meeting his best friends left a warm feeling in V’s chest. Perhaps it was a good idea, after all, he could also then quiz Jackie and Misty on what they thought about Panam’s touchy-feely habits towards him. V didn’t trust himself to be objective in this situation, wishful thinking and all that. </p><p> </p><p>He stepped into the next room while waiting for the nomad to answer. She rarely answered quickly - always busy doing this or that, although apparently, it was a hallmark of special treatment that she answered him at all most of the time. Only Mitch and Scorpion could boast a similar status. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey V, what’s up? Haven’t had enough of me yet?” Seeing her on the holo threw a smile on V’s face. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Panam, I… uh have a question which may sound a bit odd.” He wasn’t sure where this awkwardness suddenly came from. It was just a party. “I am helping throw a surprise party for my best choom when he and his girl get back in town tomorrow. Would you like to come?”</p><p> </p><p>Nomad couldn’t contain her surprise, which was a pleasant one judging by her growing smile. “I did not expect that, but wouldn’t say it’s odd. You partied with us many times after all. Yes! I would love to. Send me the deets and I’ll be there.” </p><p> </p><p>“Awesome! See you tomorrow then!” </p><p> </p><p>“Looking forward to it. See ya.” The feed closed. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, that was easy.” V thought to himself as he walked back into the main room to find Vik tying up a bunch of balloons to a chair. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Vik, who else are we inviting? I can put my old corpo cold calling skills to use.” </p><p> </p><p>—-</p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit, you guys! This is awesome!” Jackie beamed, walking between friends and family dishing out hugs and handshakes. The surprise was a success. If she knew, Misty certainly didn’t tell her other half about it. The flat was full of people, most of whom V knew. There were, of course, Mama Welles and Pepe, Padre, and a few other close friends V would constantly see at the El Cayote. A few Valentinos came too, but those looked like the sensible kind, V wasn’t worried for them. Then there were people who until just recently, he could not imagine hanging out with: well-known solos, Claire from Afterlife, even Rita the Mox was there, turns out she was one of Misty’s best clients. And, of course, there was Panam. She made it, as promised - even in time for the surprise. The nomad was currently busy arguing with Claire over the best engine setup for an armoured truck, giving V a wide smile when she caught him staring. </p><p> </p><p>The merc made his way towards the two women, his progress slow as others stopped him to talk gig opportunities, compliment the party, offer to have a drink with them… V made a good host, even if neither the party idea nor the flat were his. </p><p> </p><p>‘Hey! Glad you came. Enjoying yourself?” He finally managed to excuse himself from Pepe as the bartender went to refill his glass. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah! Absolutely! The party is great, thanks for inviting me.” </p><p> </p><p>“Heyyy if it isn’t my favourite choom!” Jackie’s huge arm wrapped around V, giving the much smaller man a friendly shake. “Will you introduce me to your charming friend here?” Someone was in a great mood. </p><p> </p><p>“Jackie, this is Panam. A good friend of mine who ensured I don’t escape trouble while you were busy paddling in the pool and sunbathing. Panam, meet Jackie. The gonkiest gonk in Night City and, coincidentally, my best choom.” </p><p> </p><p>“Pleasure to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you from V. You two had quite a few adventures hadn’t you?” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh have you now?” Jackie glanced at V. “And I know absolutely nothing about you! Definitely not from this guy. Vik let me know that V had a <em> friend </em> coming, I knew he meant you right away.” V cringed into himself a little at the tone Jackie used when he said ‘friend’. </p><p> </p><p>“Huh, why’s that?” The nomad shot a surprised eyebrow at the burly man. </p><p> </p><p>“But it’s easy! You are beautiful, but dangerous - just V’s type of…. <em> friend. </em>Ouch!” V punched Jackie at the last remark, only causing his friend to chuckle loudly. “What? It’s true!” Panam looked down sheepishly at the implication. V could only assume it was a good thing but wanted to get out of this line of questioning as soon as possible. </p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Misty? I barely got a chance to say hi to her.” V eyed the room, unable to spot the blonde bob of his friend. </p><p> </p><p>“She and Rita went to catch up in the other room. I am sure they’ll be back soon.” Jackie was pouring tequila into glasses as he was talking. “Let’s drink <em> mi amigos! </em> To the major leagues!” </p><p> </p><p>“To this!” V usually used this toast sarcastically, but this time he really meant it. This - the party, the good people around them, knowing they pulled off what could have been one of the greatest heists in recent memory of Night City, it was certainly worth drinking for. Jackie knew what his friend meant, giving him an approving nod instead of the usual scoff that often accompanied the toast. </p><p> </p><p>“To more parties like this!” Panam raised her glass high to meet the two of theirs. </p><p> </p><p>They downed their drinks, slamming them on the nearby countertop with a clank. V’s holo buzzed with a new message. He was about to ignore it when two, three more buzzes followed in quick succession. Someone was eager. </p><p> </p><p>He excused himself, stepping out of the flat into the hallway in case he’d need to make a call to the eager tester. Judy’s contact came up on the screen. </p><p> </p><p>&lt; V, I think Ev is in trouble. We were meant to meet today but she never showed up and now she isn’t answering the phone.&gt;</p><p> </p><p>&lt;Sorry to bother you, I know we kind of parted ways already…. But I don’t know who else to ask.&gt;</p><p> </p><p>&lt;I’d call but wouldn’t want to interrupt anything.&gt;</p><p> </p><p>&lt;Call me when you can. Please.&gt; </p><p> </p><p>A deep frown settled on V’s face. There could be a hundred reasons why Ev wasn’t answering, most of which he had way too little context to imagine. However, her direct connection to the heist was definitely towards the top of this list. Even then, it had been over a month since the heist -whatever it was that got the doll in trouble, the heist drama wouldn’t wait this long. Something still wasn’t right though, the merc’s gut feel was usually right about this stuff, often to his dismay. </p><p> </p><p>He pressed the call button. No more than two dials later, Judy answered - she must have been waiting by the phone. </p><p> </p><p>“V!” The Mox’s distraught face flashed up. “So glad you called, sorry to bother you. I really don’t know who else to call…”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright, I understand. Tell me what’s up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well… as I said, I think Ev is in trouble. She had this dumb idea to go back to Clouds, the place she used to work in before your gig, she wanted to lay low there…” She scoffed. “When she didn’t show up I called Tom, he works at Clouds as well, and he said that she had some sort of  accident and that was all he knew.” </p><p> </p><p>“Ok…” V couldn’t figure out what the issue was exactly yet, it seemed obvious where Judy should enquire next. “So how can I help here?”</p><p> </p><p>There was a long pause on the other end, which meant that Judy didn’t quite know either. “I thought you could come there with me, ask around. I know the person in charge, perhaps we could talk to her…” </p><p> </p><p>“Fine, I can do that. But… listen, I am really sorry but I am kind of in the middle of something at the moment, so I can’t do it tonight. First thing tomorrow?” </p><p> </p><p>Judy’s face sunk. “Ok then… I’ll try to see what I can dig up myself tonight then. Thanks for the offer anyway V, and sorry again to drop on you like that…” She clearly hoped for a different answer. “Bye.” </p><p> </p><p>V wasn’t at all happy with this, but at the same time realised that it wasn’t his place to dash and try to save everyone. Evelyn wasn’t his choom, his girl, or business partner. All of their biz was done. All of his chooms and the woman he liked were back at the flat right behind him. It made all the sense in the world to get back to them rather than play hero.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey V! Where have you beeen?!” Panam was much tipsier than when he last left her, which only amplified her touchy-feely habits. She promptly wrapped her hand around V’s waist, leading him towards the larger group, where Jackie was busy filling glasses up. “I, we, missed you! Why did you go so long?” </p><p> </p><p>‘Ah it was nothing… What did I miss?” </p><p> </p><p>“You missed a whole bunch of preem stories, and a whole bunch of… hic!... shots.” The nomad was firmly leaning on the merc at this point. </p><p> </p><p>‘Yeah, about that. V - we are out of tequila. Do you mind going down to the garage, we have some more in the car.” if Jackie could pull off a puppy face look, that is what he would do now, his eyes pleading with V to take one for the team. </p><p> </p><p>“Fiiiiiine, I’ll go. But I am keeping one bottle as a delivery fee!” V faked his annoyance. </p><p> </p><p>—-</p><p> </p><p>The garage was just on the other side of the street from their building. V retrieved the booze from the car and was just walking back when two armoured AVs zoomed overhead, ascending as they neared the megatower. ‘Odd, there are no AV landing pads up there…’ V thought when he saw the markers on the flying vehicles - Arasaka. “Fuck, fuck fuck fuck, fuck.” He rushed for his holo, dialling up Jackie and cursing every dial tone. “Cmon, pick up, Jackie, pick up!” </p><p> </p><p>“Hey V, what’s taking you so long?”</p><p> </p><p>“Jackie! It’s Arasaka! Two AVs near the megatower! Get out of there!!” V yelled into the holo, his eyes not leaving the dark outlines of the vehicles. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, a fiery stream of gunfire erupted from above, shredding into the building, spewing steel and concrete on the streets below. The thundering sound was even stronger in his ear, as V looked in horror at Jackie ducking and crouching, the flat getting annihilated in the background. Bottle crate slipped out of V’s hands, forgotten, contents smashing over the pavement. </p><p> </p><p>“Jackie! Just hold on! I am coming to get you!” distraught merc shouted.</p><p> </p><p>“No choom, you stay the hell away, there are too many of them…” His friend was shooting back at someone. “I’ll try to hold them off while others escape. It’s us they want anyway. Shit, V they got Vik… but I saw Claire rush Misty and Mama out… think they are safe. No idea about the others…” </p><p> </p><p>“What about Panam?!” The merc felt his heart contract as hundreds of terrible scenarios ran through his head.</p><p> </p><p>Jackie didn’t answer immediately, busy ducking out of the cover to line another shot, although from his expression V could only assume the worst “I am sorry V… she was chatting to Vik, they were standing by the window when it happened. I don’t think she made it…” He suddenly broke off, staring at something in front of him. “Oh, <em> pinche Dios Santo bendito…”  </em></p><p> </p><p>The holo cut out when an explosion erupted out of the hole where Jackie’s flat used to be. </p><p> </p><p>“No, Jackie, no no no!” V yelled into the night, falling to his knees, his heart now fully ripped out without anaesthesia. He came to when his holo beeped. V answered immediately, pulling himself up with considerable effort. “Jackie?! Are you okay?” </p><p> </p><p>“Not Jackie, sorry, V.” Instead of his merc friend, Mitch was on the other end. “I tried to dial Panam but her holo is offline, so trying you instead. Carol picked up some worrying chatter on Arasaka movements that was talking about some kill command on a merc.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mitch, Panam… we’ve been attacked. I don’t know if she…” He couldn’t bring himself to complete that sentence, words stuck in his throat. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, no way. You sure?!” Veteran grimaced. </p><p> </p><p>V was about to swear to turn over every piece of rubble to find out, but the sudden shots and screams coming from the holo interrupted him. The nomad was now running, fires flashing in the background. </p><p> </p><p>“V, they are here too! They came for us. Gotta go help! Please rescue Pan if you can, please.” He cut off the call, leaving V staring blankly into nothingness. </p><p> </p><p><em> ‘But we got away with it… It was quiet for so long. How can this happen…” </em> V shuffled inside the garage to stay out of sight, sliding down a wall onto the cold concrete. <em> ‘Jackie… Vik… Panam… I should have been there, with you… I should have helped…. We should have left this cursed city as soon as we could…. Maybe if I left sooner, they would have gone for me instead.” </em> Tears ran down his cheeks, for the first time since his mother died. ‘ <em> How did I lose it all in a blink of an eye?’ </em></p><p> </p><p><b>“V! V wake up! This isn’t real! You are in a BD, please wake up!” </b>Judy’s voice thundered around him, echoing through the empty garage. </p><p> </p><p>With a painful effort of forcing oneself to wake up from a nightmare, V strained against his reality. </p><p> </p><p>The world faded into a flash of bright light.</p><p> </p><p>—-</p><p> </p><p>“V! V! Thank fuck!” disoriented merc blinked at Judy shaking him awake. He found himself in the techie’s chair, just like the last time he dove in for the heist. </p><p> </p><p>“What… what the fuck happened? I remember there was this BD you found that you wanted me to check out… and then…” False memories from the fake reality flooded his brain, overwhelming him with confusion and deep, piercing grief. “I was… the heist… but Jackie… Panam… no, Panam, is Panam okay?!” </p><p> </p><p>“She is okay, it was just a BD. A sick, fucked up, terrible BD but still, nothing was real.” </p><p> </p><p>V sat up in the chair, a thundering headache descending on him. “How long have I been out?” </p><p> </p><p>“15 minutes max, but I managed to see some of it when I tried to jack you out. It felt like you spent weeks in there.” </p><p> </p><p>“How much did you see?” V remembered the Ev episode, he hoped the techie did not have to relive that again. </p><p> </p><p>“Just the last bit. That was truly horrible, I can’t imagine how it must have felt. So much for <em> ‘showing you the deepest, most desperate desires of your heart’. </em>Bloody ad slogans.” </p><p> </p><p>V reflected on that solemnly. The BD did show him what would happen if the heist went well, he would be in denial if he didn’t admit he dreamt of what would happen if that disaster was averted. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuuuuck, that was not cool.” Johnny’s form flashed on the other side of the chair. “It’s like I got put in a box and chucked to the back of your mind. After all, I was never in your head in that reality. I could only watch as the world was crashing around you, not a pretty sight I tell you.” The old rocker was surprisingly sympathetic. “Sorry you had to live through all of that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but I guess now I know that it wasn’t going to be a happy ending after all.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s Night City, no happy endings here.” Johnny sighed, putting on his aviators as if to add finality to his statement. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Earth to V. Are you okay, choom?” Judy gently placed a hand on his shoulder, a worried look never leaving her face. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah I’ll be alright, just need to re-arrange my brain a bit, that was quite a mindfuck.” He forced a smile to reassure his friend. It mostly worked. </p><p> </p><p>[ Incoming call: Panam ] </p><p> </p><p><em> ‘Thank fuck’ </em>he thought to himself, eagerly answering the call. “Hey, Panam! Glad you are okay!” </p><p> </p><p>“I have no idea what you mean, but thanks for the concern, I guess.” The nomad raised an eyebrow at the odd greeting. “It’s my turn to surprise you, where are you? I’ll pick you up!” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, of course. I am at Lizzie’s.” After all that he’d just fake-lived through, seeing Panam sounded like the best idea in the world. </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, great. Sit tight, I’ll be there in 20. And say hi to Jude from me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t wait!” He really, really meant it. Ending the call, he turned to Judy.  “Pan says hi. Where is that BD by the way?” </p><p> </p><p>“Right here, I yanked it out to make sure you don’t get pulled back.” the editor passed him the purple cartridge with ‘ERIZ3D’ written on the label in neon pink lettering. </p><p> </p><p>She placed the BD in the palm of his cybernetic hand. V took a moment to consider and closed his fist around it until it produced a loud crack. No one should ever experience this cursed thing ever again. </p><p> </p><p>“Beat me to it.” Judy nodded with content approval. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>V’s trip to see what could have been if the heist went well wasn’t real, but the impression it had left on him definitely was.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Panam’s text said to meet her at the club’s car park, yet when V walked out, his Caliburn pulled up instead. He double-checked in case he called the car by accident, before remembering it was meant to be tucked away at Delamain’s with his other more expensive vehicles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Little did the merc know that the evening’s surprises only just began. When the car pulled up to a stop and the driver’s door glided open, Panam stepped out, somewhat awkwardly - the nomad clearly wasn’t used to climbing out of low-slung vehicles. V’s was already gasping lightly, but when he saw what the nomad was wearing, his jaw dropped completely. Instead of the usual getup of jeans, bodysuit and the Aldecaldo jacket, she donned a flowing jumpsuit that shimmered in the neon lights of the Mox’s club signs. Her hair was pulled up, revealing bare shoulders; she even wore heels, albeit fairly low ones - something one can easily run in if needed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I…I… you…” V felt his brain functions cease completely, he couldn’t string two words together, nor could he stop himself from staring like an idiot. Relic malfunctions had nothing on the sight of Panam just then. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you like it?” She walked up to him sheepishly, unsure what to make of the reaction she got. “I remembered you mentioned this guy at Zinguji promised you an outfit that you’d never take him up for, thought hey, this is a win-win for both of us…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V’s mind started to return to him when the nomad came closer, wrapping her hands around him which meant she was real, he wasn’t hallucinating. “You look stunning.” He finally managed, blinking multiple times, still not quite believing his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw really? I am so glad! I wasn’t sure, but Zane said that this was the one to go for, particularly as I told him to get lost with all the skirts and dresses.” She stepped away from the merc, giving him a twirl to show off the deep v-shaped cut that went all the way down to her lower back. This almost sent V into another meltdown. Rita and the other Mox bouncer whistled from their station by the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to keep standing there like a complete idiot or finally see where this is going?” Johnny’s voice in his head jolted V. “Don’t keep the girl waiting.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shall we?” The gorgeous nomad smiled at him, nodding towards the car. “We have somewhere to be. You can stare all you want on the way.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V just nodded and walked up to the passenger’s door. He would follow her anywhere at this point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few minutes into the ride, not taking his eyes away from her for a second, he finally got hold of himself and the whole situation started to dawn on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You really understated the surprise there, Pan.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh this? That’s only the beginning! You ain’t seen nothing yet.” She threw him a mischievous glance. “But first, let’s see what this beast of yours is capable of.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She floored the gas pedal, pinning them to the backs of their seats, engine growling behind them. Everything around smudged into a blur as Panam veered between cars, skipping red lights and sliding the mighty vehicle into 90-degree turns without slowing down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Hey! What’s the rush?” V has never been a passenger in this car, so he never noticed a complete lack of handles he could use to prevent himself from swinging all over the cabin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think you are the only one who gets to drive like a madman around Night City? I heard all about your races with Claire!” She shot back without taking eyes off the road, just missing a Kaukaz hauler. V could tell by her expression that she was enjoying the car’s agility. The war rig was the perfect car for her, but you couldn’t call it nimble by any account. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V was about to object, but after another power slide, the car came to a stop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Between trying not to fly out of his seat and counting the number of near-death experiences they’d racked up, V completely lost track of where they were or where they could be headed. He spotted a golden twin of his Caliburn in front of them, telling him they were at the docks’ car park. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why the docks?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need to change the mode of transport. Told you, the night is only beginning.” She winked at him before stepping out of the cockpit. “Don’t be such a scaredy-cat V, I am not about to cement your feet and drop you into the water.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V sighed, there was no arguing with her when she had settled on a plan. He threw another glance at the golden car, noting how glad he was that he didn’t buy it when offered. Next to its much subtler brother, it looked even gaudier and more pretentious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He followed Panam down the docks, until she jumped into one of the speedboats. It was nothing as big as the one V helped Kerry trash the other day, but still looked new and could comfortably fit two people. He couldn’t help but notice that the back couch was rather spacious.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The nomad turned towards the control console to start the boat when V grabbed her hand gently and pulled her to face him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Panam, it will sound random, but I am so glad I’ve met you when I met you... even if I have a terrorist eating at my brain - this is a pretty amazing outcome.” He said, looking deep into her eyes. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Panam flustered at his words. “Why all soppy all of a sudden?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His megabuilding under gunfire, Jackie’s face on the holo, explosions flashed in V’s head. Instead of answering, he pulled her closer and kissed her deeply. One thing that the damned chip gave him was the freedom of control on how he lived, even if his time was limited.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They pulled away from each other, both smiling. After a moment, Panam got back to her original task and they were soon gliding across the waves towards a destination unknown to V. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sun was already peeking from the horizon when they arrived at what looked like a man-made tropical island. Perfectly natural-looking sand beaches, palm trees and green shrubbery were betrayed by the fact that the coastline was perfectly straight as if placed on a grid. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How did you even find this?” V looked around, jumping out of the boat with a mystery bag Panam chucked his way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t the only one who can find remote places. And I didn’t even need to break into a military base for that.” His surprise clearly pleased Panam. “This was meant to be some big-shot corpo’s private island retreat, before he fled to USSR. Since he still technically owns it, nobody can do much about it. I use it as a stash for things I don’t want anyone to find.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Am I getting stashed here too?” He shot a mischievous smile at her, prompting a scoff back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think you are that important, huh?” She stepped up to him, pulling at his t-shirt to place his face very close to hers. “Maybe I will. Then you can’t get your gonk ass into trouble anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, is that such an inconvenience to you?” They both whispered now, their breath brushing against the other’s skin as they spoke.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have noooo idea.” Panam smirked, finally closing the tiny distance between them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The mystery bag turned out to contain everything needed for a picnic - a blanket, plenty of food and booze and even a set of swimsuits, which they promptly changed into. There was no way they could swim - the water was beyond toxic, but it was still nice to let the warm sun wash over them. Plus, this had significantly sped up the process when they inevitably got to making love, which they did on the beach before moving to the boat, making full use of the couch V had assessed earlier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were very gentle today,” Panam noted, her head resting on V’s lap as his fingers laced through her hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Was I? Sorry…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing to be sorry about, it was lovely. Just… different that’s all. I hope you are not going soft on me, V.” She pinched his side lightly, which he returned with a tickle to hers, sending her squirming and giggling. “Ah stop it! I get it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her comment stuck with V though, he thought back at the moments just then, where he did hold back, even if slightly. He still felt every bit as passionate for Panam as he always did, but this time he couldn’t help but be mindful of all the implants and enhancements in his body, having realised how easy it could be to accidentally hurt her if he got carried away. ‘Why has this never occurred to me before?’ He thought, kicking himself a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of saying anything, he just smiled at her, gently tracing lines on her skin with his fingers. The nomad was too relaxed and blissful to press him further. Lulled by the gentle rocking of the boat, they both dozed off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite the couple’s reluctance to move at all, it was time for them to head back. By the time V woke up, Panam had already changed into her usual outfit, the jumpsuit neatly folded into the bag where V found a fresh change of clothes for him. She’d really thought of everything on this trip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Night City marina was in view when they heard a rumble of multiple small engines nearby. Panam and V looked around to see a bunch of Maelstromers on jet skis pull up on either side of the boat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nice boat, lovebirds. Shame you gonna ‘ave to part ways with it today.” The burlier of the bunch shouted at them from the left, his spider-like lenses scanning them and the vessel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How about you fuck right off back into the hole you came from, before I put a bullet in each of your heads,” Panam growled back, upset at the disruption </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the slightest movement from the chromed-up gangsters, V triggered threat implants, using the time dilation to pull out two of his pistols from the bag before stepping in between Panam and the Maelstromers, as gently as possible pushing her out of the way. Without another word, he aimed at the would-be pirates on the other side of the boat, while letting Skippy handle the aiming for the leader and his squad. These guys were clearly some low-rank idiots with no combat sense, as they didn’t even try to evade his shots. It was over before the implant timer got to zero, silence dawning back around them, leaving only the gentle murmur of the engines and splashing as limp bodies dropped into the water. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V immediately turned to Panam to make sure she was okay, surprised to find the nomad giving him her trademark ‘you fucked up’ stare. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“V, what the fuck was that?! Why did you do that?!” She was angry for real. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do what?” He genuinely had no idea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Push me out like that, stepping in front. I am no damsel in distress that needs protecting. I had my side covered.” She gestured with her right hand that was holding a pistol. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am sorry, I panicked. Wasn’t thinking and just started blasting while the slow-time was still up.” He defended. This was mostly true. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…” Pan shook her head. “You are acting strange lately, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V caught himself in a brief moment of frustration with nomad’s perception, particularly when it came to him. Some things he’d prefer to keep hidden, but this was hard when it often felt like she saw right through him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They pulled up into marina and docked in silence. The ride back to Delamain’s, where she left her rig, was also quiet, which played a wrecking ball on V’s nerves. To his relief, she still gave him a goodbye kiss and asked to come back by the camp soon, meaning she wasn’t too angry at him after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He decided to ask Del to drive him home, feeling too distracted with what was going on in his own head to be able to focus properly on the road. As always, the AI was very happy to oblige. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next day was quiet. V stayed in town to finish off a few gigs which were mostly deliveries where he played more of a deterrent rather than strictly hired muscle. At this point, his rep was strong enough that most gangs wouldn’t risk ambushing convoys he covered - potential losses rarely outweighed the promised profit. This situation was completely agreeable with him, as it meant he could make a few quick eddies without an almost certain risk to his life. The most exciting part of the day was stumbling onto a guy with a flaming crotch, who V promptly dropped off at the nearest ripperdoc for a promise of compensation from the unfortunate would-be stud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a detour to his flat to pick up enough clothes for a few days at the nomad camp - V still preferred to use the laundry machines at his place, he put his holo on ‘do not disturb’ and set the nav in his Javelina to the co-ords of the nomad camp. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Despite a rather late hour, he found the camp rather lively. Aldecaldos were busy fueling and loading up vehicles. Something was going on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He found Panam, Saul and the veterans by the planning table, actively discussing something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh hey V! You didn’t say you were coming.” Panam gestured to him to join them. “We are just going over some plans. We got the news that Raffens are planning to traffic some captured nomads across the border, potentially to sell them off as labour.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s fucked up. Why didn’t you call me? I’d be here sooner.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, big man.” Mitch answered for the group. “It’s not a big deal, nothing even close to the compound you walked Saul out of. We can handle this, no problem.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But since you already here, may as well help out!” Panam wouldn’t miss an opportunity to get V’s help. Bottom line, they would get this over with quicker. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, what’s the plan then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You, Mitch and Panam go in from different angles, trying to keep it quiet as long as possible so they don’t get trigger happy at the captives. Take them out, free our people, loot the place. As Mitch said, this is a cakewalk compared to the last one.” Saul pointed at three potential entry points to the camp. The fact that there were at least three showed how shitty the defences were. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V frowned, this plan meant that Panam would need to get in near the main gate, where there would surely be more of the Raffens. “How about Mitch and I go in from the sides and Panam covers us with that deadly rifle of hers? She can have a spot right about here.” He pointed at a nearby building, marked as an abandoned gas station. “Or if you’d rather, I can probably go in on my own. Will be safer that way and, as you said, easier than last time anyway.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he looked around to see the reactions to his plan, he found Panam drilling an annoyed stare in his direction. “V, can I speak with you for a second. Alone.” Her words were more of an order than a question. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Excuse us. Think about it though! I say that way will be safer.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He followed rather briskly pacing Panam to the edge of the camp. The nomad was clearly frustrated but tried to contain it until they were alone. When she turned back to V, it was clear that all restraints were quickly slipping off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Since when did ‘we’ turn into ‘you’ for all of the risky situations, V?” Her statement sounded like an accusation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am just suggesting. With you covering me and the prisoners, it would be safest for everyone…” He was about to go on, but her clearly unimpressed with his response expression suggested he should let her speak instead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And definitely safest for me. Is this what you want? Me out of harm’s way? I thought we agreed, V - no damsel bullshit!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V had no answer to that. He looked away, breaking eye contact. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“V, I don’t know what the fuck happened with you lately, but you are acting odd, very odd. I asked Judy if she had any ideas but she stonewalled me worse than a Militech tank. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Can at least you tell me what’s up?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Please.” Worry added to the anger in her expression. V was doing it again - making her feel concerned through his pathological inability to express his feelings coherently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am just concerned, is all.” He was not ready to explain everything to her, not sure if he could - after all, he felt stupid that what he saw in a virtu affected him so much. Admitting it to her was a whole new level. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were always concerned, ever since our first gig together. But you also always trusted me to take care of myself and let me do what I need to do, what I’ve been doing long before you pranced into my life. Now you are being overwhelmingly protective…” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “... you don’t even bite as hard in bed anymore. What’s up with that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Panam, I… I just care about you. A lot. Okay? I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nobody wants anything bad to happen to anyone around here. But you don’t see me tying Mitch to a post, or Saul going solo into a Raffen den like you just planned to do.” The nomad was getting visibly upset. “What you are doing is taking away my choice to take the risks I want to take, risks I’ve been taking my whole life, risks I’ve been taking with you, for you all this time. I am a nomad, not a housewife.” She paused for a second, deep in thought. “Is this because we moved in together?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no.” V shook his head eagerly. “That doesn’t mean as much to me as you thought it might…” He realised he fucked up even before Panam grimaced, pulling away at his remark. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh is that so?! Well then maybe you can sleep somewhere else tonight then! And we can do the rescue without your self-righteous ass.” She stormed off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V was left on his own, just standing there at the edge of the camp, eyes following Panam until she disappeared behind the row of tents. He felt like he was not welcome at the Aldecaldo camp for the first time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With nothing else left to do, he drove back to his flat. As he stepped out of the car, Johnny materialised in front of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you and I have a chat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V didn’t answer, but leaned on his car, nodding to the dead rocker to go on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“V, remember that you kept telling me how I am the best example of how not to do shit, particularly when it comes to women?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.... what’s your point?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you see, you are doing exactly the same thing. Much more pathetic and corny, mind you, but the same thing nonetheless. You accused me of being stuck up my own ass and pushing everyone away, now you are doing the same thing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But it’s not the same thing, I am trying to protect her. You </span>
  <b>
    <em>saw</em>
  </b>
  <span> what happened.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Firstly, what we both saw never happened. For all we know, it was a torture BD that played out your worst nightmares, rather than showing you your strongest desires.” Without any objections from the merc, he continued. “Secondly, at the rate you are going, you will lose her anyway. She may stay alive for a while this way but it won’t matter to you because you would have fucked up so much, she may as well be on Mars. But the worst part will be when she’ll really need you, you won’t be there. And then she will really be hurt, or dead, and you will blame yourself, of course. Think about the train, imagine if you weren’t there?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you for real? We were on that train because of me pretty much, so if you think about it...” V shook his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t give me this domino causality bullshit. Right at that moment, it almost went to shit, but it didn’t. Because you protected her. And she protects you more times than you think - I know, I see way more than you do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Johnny…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your head is still scrambled up after that BD, there is no sense to talk rationally to you. Disagree all you want, but mull it over. Go be a downer for a day or two, see where that gets you. You will realise I was right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V mumbles something in response signalling he has no intention to continue the conversation, prompting Johnny to vanish with an annoyed sigh, leaving the merc to his thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V looked rough and felt even rougher when he arrived at the nomad camp the next day. Going back to his flat last night proved to be an utterly pointless idea - he couldn’t sleep anyway and lying staring at the ceiling only drove his mind further into overthinking mode. Having finally given up on getting any rest, he ended up staring into an alcohol-filled glass at the bar in Straylight hotel, preferring the company of Gibson the AI, over the human bartenders of his usual haunts. He followed that up with a visit to Jackie’s grave, which helped anchor himself into the reality of the events that lead up to his current situation. After leaving another voicemail for his dead friend, the merc set off to the camp. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knew he was risking getting into even deeper trouble by coming back so soon, but he just had to know how last night’s skirmish went. None of the Aldecaldos were answering his calls, likely at Panam’s direction. He saw the nomad chieftess march somewhere purposefully as he carefully approached the centre of the camp, ignoring whispers of other Aldecaldos around him. She stopped in her tracks as soon as their eyes met, immediately turned on her heels and started walking in the opposite direction as if she forgot something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Pan, Pan please wait.” V closed the distance between them and gently pulled at her hand. She pulled it away, but stopped nonetheless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you want, V? I thought I made it clear I didn’t want you here.” She looked at her feet instead of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nobody answered my calls. I was worried, just wanted to check if you are all okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, we are all fine, as you can see. No problem at all. You worried for nothing.” Last bit was aimed more at what happened last night, V surmised. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok, good. That’s good.” He didn’t really plan beyond this point. Avoiding getting thrown out or shouted at was the best-case scenario. Not pushing his luck further, V decided that he had exhausted his excuse to be there, so the merc started to turn around to head back to his car. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“V, now you wait.” Her soft-spoken words were like a lifeline, making him turn back immediately. “Since you are here, let’s talk.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They retreated to their tent, which offered only a mildly higher level of privacy. Panam sat on the edge of the bed, gesturing for V to join her. He did so, further away from the nomad that he would like, but keen to give her space. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me, V.” She pleaded, making his chest tighten with the way she said it. “I can tell something is seriously wrong, and it’s killing me that you don’t feel like you can tell me. Why are you so scared for me all of a sudden?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘She went straight for it, didn’t she.’ V thought, realising that was also Johnny’s thought. The rocker flashed in his view, leaning on a support beam. V looked up, expecting a snarky retort, but instead, just saw an approving nod. The projection vanished again, to give them privacy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a sigh, the merc started. “It all started when Judy found this BD…” He gave a brief recollection of where they found the BD and how he won a rock-paper-scissors which meant that he got to try it first. None of that gave Panam any real answers. Realising this wasn’t useful information, V briefly recounted the good part of the trip where the heist went swimmingly and he thought everything was going to end well. “... And then I found myself at the Afterlife, thinking about getting into some gigs where I saw you storming out of Rogue’s booth… and I don’t know what drove me to it, but I felt like helping you was important, so that’s how we met then…” V rushed through the bits that Panam would have known, including their first skirmish, Nash and the subsequent runs with the Aldecaldos. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All through the ‘good’ part, Panam looked understandably confused. After all, so far there was nothing that could explain why V acted the way he did, so he hurried the story on. The nomad’s heart fluttered at the awkward way V described the part where he asked her to come to the party. She didn’t show it, trying not to distract V from his tale. When he got to the Arasaka attack, Panam reached out, placing a hand on V’s knee which was twitching slightly ever since they sat down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t spare any detail, no matter how painful it was to recall. He wanted to go through it in full, not to keep anything from her now. By the end of it, they both were barely holding back tears, albeit for rather different reasons. When he was finished, he felt so exhausted he had to lean forward, staring into the ground. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A solemn pause held between them, both unsure how to break it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>As usual, Panam was the more decisive one. “Let me get this straight, V. You </span><em><span>asked</span></em> <span>Rogue if you could help me, just because?” </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V didn’t expect the first thing she’d pick up on would be this. “Well, yeah, pretty much. There was no Hellman after all. I mean, there was, but I didn’t have the chip to worry about…” He trailed off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you decided to help me anyway, even if you were not going to gain anything from it?” Panam’s expression could only be described as bewilderment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so.” V wasn’t really sure what it was that she was getting at there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a pause, she reached out to his face with her hand, pulling his gaze towards hers. Looking into his eyes, she said, “V, you are even more of a selfless gonk in a virtual world than in this real one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought about it you know, lots.” V turned away again, deep in thought. “I guess that even though I was technically a different person there, it was still my real head after all, and so I knew I loved you already… so it was an easy decision to go with you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V was too deep into his own thoughts to notice Panam’s eyes widen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You what?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was still the real me, like my brain was still this one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“No, this isn’t…. what did you say </span><em><span>after that,</span></em><b><em>”</em></b> <span>Panam shuffled closer to him, intently waiting for his response. </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That it made sense because…” V suddenly stopped as it dawned on him what he’d just said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“V…” Panam closed some distance between them, reaching to take his hands in hers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Panam… I…” He hesitates for a second, but then the weight of the past few days reminded him that half-measures only made things worse. He steeled himself, looking right into Panam’s eyes. “I love you. I have loved you for a while now, and living a second life only proved that there isn’t a reality where I was not going to fall for you.” Once the floodgates were opened, he couldn’t stop himself; he had to let all of it out. “The thought of losing you always terrified me, still does; but actually seeing it…” Words stuck in his throat. After a deep sigh, he managed to continue. “After seeing </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I just couldn’t bear to let you come to danger.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A thousand things swirled in Panam’s head, and the alternative life that V had lived suddenly became the less important part of this conversation. But then the merc looked at her with the eyes that screamed despair at not knowing where she was on this and where they were going. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After another moment of hesitation, the nomad jumped the merc, pinning him to the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“V, you gonk. You lovely, selfless, impossible to hate gonk. I love you too.” She peppered his face with kisses, any anger or anguish completely forgotten. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V was not about to ruin the moment, so he went with it, enjoying every second. When the nomad pulled back, her worry and anger were replaced with serenity and bliss. And yet, he had to make sure this wasn’t temporary. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pan… I don’t mean to limit you. I just need to figure this out, all of this. These feelings I have, and the life we lead, and what is ahead. Just give me a bit of time and patience, that is all I ask. I promise I will be better, for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could only smile at this side of V that was now beaming at her. “I’ll take you up on that, Mr Big Leagues.” She let her hands relax, leaning into him from above, their lips meeting in an eager kiss. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—- </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they laid in each others’ arms, Panam ruffled her nose into the back of his neck. “V, tell me one more thing.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who got the sense into you to tell me after all?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>V paused for a second, almost tempted to avoid the question, but remembering where that got him very recently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just say Johnny has a good point, from time to time.” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Writing the main conversation where V tells everything was surprisingly hard! Took me a while, but I think I am generally happy with it now. </p><p>Original version of this chapter had Panam POV creeping in but i’d didn’t quite work with the overall setup following V’s perspective, so I largely skipped it. One of the future stories will likely shift the POV from V though. </p><p>As always, thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>‘It was all a dream’ trope is a bit cliche perhaps, but that was the best way for me to explore the what-if scenario while still play it within the current interconnected narrative of the stories. I definitely pushed the possibilities of what a BD can do here, but hey - creative license and all that. </p><p>This became a 2-part story as it felt like a good place to finish this, and explore the consequences of V’s experiences on his real life and relationships in the second one. </p><p>Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you thought.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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